San Diego, a.k.a. Paradise

Now why would I dub San Diego as Paradise but not another, more exotic place in the world?  Well, there are lots of reasons, but the main one is that the weather is perfect, it's relatively close by and cheap, and has so many things to offer: mainly, the beach.

Juan was considering taking a CE course there and of course, I invited myself to go with him.  After Juan recruited some of his friends to go to the course, I got busy recruiting their wives.  It didn't take a lot to convince them that a vacation was in order.  After taking a more relaxed approach to "planning" our trip, this is how it all played out (and yes, once again these are just dinky pics from my phone:)

 ----------------------Friday-------------------------

Thursday night, Juan and I dropped off the kids at various houses (Siena had to stay in town because she had school the next day, while Qiana and Ezra were left with my parents.)  After a quick, but bumpy flight we made it to the hotel, which incidentally was the exact hotel I stayed at last September--I liked it that much.  The next morning the boys all met up to carpool to the CE course at Paradise Point Resort while the girls and I met up for brunch at The Cottage in La Jolla.  (By the way, about 50% of this trip was just a repeat of last September because it seemed to be a perfect match for the group we were with.) We then got pedicures and walked along La Jolla Cove.  Of course, we did a lot of local shopping and got that mostly out of our systems.  Finally, the boys were done for the day so we told them to meet up with us for dinner.  I wanted to see how adventurous everyone would be so I suggested an Ethiopian restaurant (it had rave reviews.)  It turned out to be a delicious choice and broke the ice quite nicely since we didn't have utensils and had to eat family style.  Afterwards, I thought it would be fun to have pie since it was Pi Day (3.14) but when we got to the pie place I found, it turned out to be a hippy joint with questionable desserts.  I was embarrassed, but we all laughed about it.  Juan and I dropped off Kurt and his office manager back at the Resort where they were staying and met everyone else back at our hotel.  They redeemed the pie fiasco by getting pie at Marie Callender's and bringing it back to eat around a fire pit at the pool.  It was a great end to a long, but relaxing day.

----------------------Saturday-------------------------

Saturday, the boys left early again for the last day of their CE and we girls met up to go to the Farmers Market in Little Italy.  It was a great place to have breakfast (I had fresh-squeezed California Blood Orange Juice, artisan cheese and a fresh mini baguette!) and find little mementos from the trip.  We went to Balboa Park next and explored a little.  Luck had it that the San Diego Floral Association was putting on an Ikebana Floral Show for free at the park, demonstrations included.  I was amazed to see the Grandmaster, Akiko Bourland (almost 90 years old) in her last public floral show before retiring.  Her works were amazing and she was hilarious to watch as she bossed her assistants around.  Megan and Natalia were so, so kind to indulge me in staying for a workshop.  Turns out, we all loved it.  We met Megan's friend, Michele there at the Botanical Garden and afterward went to eat a late lunch at an authentic Mexican restaurant in the Gay District.  Natalia and I wrote one of our life's dreams on a Bucket List wall, but then quickly deserted the area since it was a little weird lingering there.  We met Michele's family down at Tamarack Beach, and collected sea shells along the coast while we waited for the boys to catch up with us.  I think that night was the first time I've ever been patient enough to actually watch the sun go down until it disappeared into the horizon.  Talk about a relaxing evening.  The boys wanted to eat, so we all went to Sammy's, a wood-fired pizza place which was quite nice.  We couldn't just call it a night after eating dinner, so we all trekked over to Fleming's for some sinfully delicious molten chocolate cake.  We were all falling asleep at the table, marking a productive day of having fun.

----------------------Sunday-------------------------

Sunday morning we all rushed to get ready for 8:30 church about 30 minutes away.  We attended the Spanish Branch Megan attended while on her mission and were once again reminded how different, yet amazing being in such humble circumstances feels.  I miss all of our past Spanish Branches/Wards!  We then drove to the beach in Encinitas and soaked up some sun a little bit until it was time to meet up with one of the women Megan helped teach on her mission, Rocio.  She and her family were so kind and made us some tasty taquitos which kept us filled until late that night.  Vince wasn't feeling too hot, so he went back to the hotel with Megan while Jon, Natalia, Juan and I visited Old Town San Diego, specifically The Mormon Batallion site.  It was a great production and appropriate for the Sabbath.  That night, the boys wanted to eat something so we went to get some more Mexican food.  I don't think there is such a thing as too much Mexican food.

----------------------Monday-------------------------

(don't mind my horrible posture)

Monday was our last day on our trip, so we decided to take the boys to experience The Cottage brunch for themselves.  Good choice, of course.  Then we went to Coronado and took in the beauty of the Hotel del Coronado and the white, sandy beach it neighbored.  In order to satisfy the boys, we went over to South Park and they all discovered the deliciousness called "Mariscos Germán" (or the Nine Seas taco truck.)  Nobody could finish their plates because we were all still full from brunch, but they needed those fish tacos to complete their San Diego experience. :)  After visiting one last shop, we headed back to the hotel and parted ways with the Dilley's, who were staying one more day.  We drove the Clarke's to the airport and used up the last hour visiting the Maritime Museum area and getting oysters in a half shell--something on Juan's California bucket list.  The flight back wasn't too bad, besides the turbulence.  (The older we get, the less Juan and I like to fly.  It's putting your life at risk and all that turbulence reminds you of it. Sheesh, we're old and cautious!)

Anyway, getting back to the little bumbles asleep in their beds (thanks to my generous mother who we couldn't have done all of this without,) was a world of happiness.  Having the break from those kiddos just reminded us how lucky we are to have them.

Until next time, SD... you were good to us.

Sushi Sous Chefs

(...try saying that five times.)

Our whole family loves food. And luckily, we love preparing food. This much you probably already know. However, did you know that we have an extra-special place in our hearts (and stomachs) for Asian cuisine? It's actually one of the longest-running jokes between Juan's dad and me because when we were first married we would all eat out together... a lot... and 99% of the time, Juan's dad would suggest some kind of Asian restaurant. I got so sick of eating Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese--you name it--that it became a "thing". We all laugh about it to this day.

The Chavez family has a long history of loving sushi that dates back to Juan's youth and when I married into the family, I knew I would need to learn to love eating it. Luckily, that didn't take long. Well, Juan's sister, Sandra, has worked at a sushi restaurant before as well as has taken a legitimate sushi-making class. We have all been taught by her the proper way of making sushi and sashimi and we delight in getting together as a family to feast on this international fare.  Tonight was the second time we've gathered together for a full-course meal of sushi and it was just as memorable as the first time. I love that we have started this unofficial tradition!

Oh, glorious, un-edited phone photos of last night's FHE:

Sushi Station

Tempura Station

Which one, which one?

The Set-up

I believe this is a Utah Roll, but I'm not sure.... Somebody correct me.

Siena and Ava are obsessed with sushi.  

Unbeknownst to each other, they frequently ask for sushi for dinner.

The master sushi chef at work teaching Ryan how to do it.

Juan and I couldn't resist the urge to add a splash of Thai food into the mix.

Not pictured is the amazing Mango Sticky Rice that Sandra made for dessert.  We were practically licking the plates before I even thought to take a picture.

Grace

Having the fortune to teach the youth in any capacity is hard work, but when you get to teach the Young Women in church, you've hit the mother-load of responsibility, fun, drama, spirituality, and hyperactivity.  I think as a general rule when you're serving in the Young Women there is a dating period when the girls decide whether you are cool or not, whether they respect you or not, and whether they can trust you with their personal thoughts and feelings.

Luckily, we are sooooooo over that.  (It was a bit of a shaky start since the other leaders I serve with are "über-cool and stuff.")  But now we are comfortable around each other and they have decided that they can hear me out the majority of the time.  Yesterday I gave the Sunday lesson on Grace and it went so well I think it's blog-worthy.

We started by writing down our weaknesses that seem to be others' strengths and that we wish we could overcome.  We kept them to ourselves and let them mull in our minds throughout the lesson.  Next, we talked about what they thought of GRACE.  I loved all their answers, but the most poetic and to-the-point answer that really helped everyone out was given by a timid 15 year-old:

"Grace is similar but different than Mercy.  

Mercy is NOT being given what you deserve, 

and Grace is being given what you do NOT deserve."

First of all, let me mention how impressed I am that a 15 year-old could think so hard about something that other 15 year-olds don't even give a second thought to--she really surprised me with that one.  (Also, I should mention that it may not be her thought, though I don't know that.  Pinterest quotes are a common thing in our class, ha ha!  Either way, it was a helpful contribution.)

It's an interesting thing--Grace--that I never personally thought was pressing enough to teach the youth in its own Sunday lesson; however, after realizing the extraordinary, daily value of grace, it truly is a thing everyone should realize with more conviction.

After studying the topic for quite some time, I realized that the Enabling Power of the Atonement is the thing that has gotten me through the hardest times, even when the things that were happening to me were through no fault of my own.  That enabling power was what I believe Grace to be.  It's the ability to overcome trials through a type of resilience that only God can arm you with.  It's a burden being carried by more than just the heavy-laden.  It's a gift, it's a power, it's a strength.  It's made manifest through the Holy Ghost which calms us, binds us to Him, and buoys us when we are out of our last ounce of natural strength.

We returned to our papers of weaknesses.  It was a powerful thing to realize that every single one of the weaknesses we have can be overcome through the Grace of our Savior.  We are not confined to them in this life.

After delving into the scriptures, I came to the conclusion that I didn't (and still don't) fully comprehend this power.  Something I do realize is that we can't sit idly by and expect to receive His grace; however, in the very act of TRYING, we do receive it.  Grace is something to be attained--it is a reaction to our action.  My daily acts and thoughts are potential catalysts to receiving this strength through Christ.  Lately, I've been a little more aware of my role as a mother and wife and I know more than ever that I need His help to give me more of an ability to fulfill those responsibilities.  My goal is to increase my daily supplication for His help, and to recognize when that help is given.

March is Insane

W3lc0me to the Cr^ziest day tHis w3Ek!  You know what?  My kids are driving me nuts today.  So I will self-medicate...

commence OPERATION: BLOGGING-UNTIL-THE-NUMBNESS-FROM-FRUSTRATION-WEARS-OFF.



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That pretty much sums up all the stresses in my life right now.  Siena got in trouble big time with the teacher again yesterday and she has been all but obedient and respectful to me at home the last few days.  She's lost privilege after HUGE privilege, but nothing seems to be getting through to her.  Qiana has been losing her patience (probably from watching me lose mine) over little tasks she can't accomplish on the first try.  Ezra is heading head-first into the Terrible Two's by destroying everything in his path and refusing to eat his meals.  My home, once again, is in a terrible state and I'm finding myself forgetting the lessons I learned just two short months ago.  Why, oh why is life so darn hectic and stressful and time-consuming and complicated?  I can't seem to get anything done that I know I need to do, specifically TEACHING MY CHILDREN from the start!



Okay, my tantrum is nearly complete...


Aaaaahhhhhaaaaaaaahhhhahahhhahhhahhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still not completely okay with how I'm feeling right now, but at least I can write it down and get it somewhat out of my system.


Now, I've got chores to do *sniff, sniff*,  bye.

Tidbits of Hilarity

Anyone with children knows how darn funny they can be.  Unfortunately, I don't spend the time writing down their every word and the comic episode gets lost among a million other abandoned memories.  Well, even though it's just a quick jot, this post is dedicated to some funny moments recently:

(Siena, with her "About Me" poster for being Star Student)

Siena and her class were busy with a project for Martin Luther King, Jr. when another mom volunteer noticed something different about her assignment.  The students were all writing Thank You letters to him for the things he did, and according to the mom helper they were all saying things like, "Thank you for freeing the slaves." Ha Ha!  It's inaccurate, but you can see how they might think that.  Well, when the mom looked at Siena's paper, she noticed that there was more than just the "freeing the slaves" line; Siena had written something to the effect of, "Thank you for helping our country.  I want to be like you and free the slaves, but I can't find any." (I'm sitting here laughing as I'm writing this.)  Oh, the innocence of youth.

(Qiana, working hard on a project and with her trademark focus.)

Qiana has thrown in her fair share of comic relief in our lives, too.  With her, it's the little things that may not stand out as very funny to other people, but are treasures to us.  For example, two days ago it was beautiful and sunny outside so we went outside to play with sidewalk chalk.  After triumphing over what she thought were accurately-written numbers on a hopscotch sequence, she was feeling very elated.  (She gets an enormous amount of satisfaction if she can "accomplish" something that was once a barrier to her, whether it's right or not.  I love this about her, though.)  When she feels that happy, she gets extremely charitable--no joke.  She runs to me and smothers me with hugs and kisses and "Mom, you're my favorite mom in the world" comments.  Of course I don't correct her slight errors right then because it would send her into an equally dismal attitude.  But, back to the sidewalk chalk.... She went inside and asked me to write down on a piece of paper the words, "Welcome Home Siena" with which she proceeded to smother the front porch in chalk.  When she finished, she noticed there was a bare stair up to the porch and asked if she could write, "Thank you for all of the wonderful things."  Her happy place is very happy indeed.

(Ezra, in dress-ups at Family Night @ the library.)

Ezra is talking a lot, but most of his words are still so slurred and it's hard to decipher exactly what he's saying.  However, once in a while he'll pull out a word we never were aware he knows. This happened yesterday and I laughed out loud.  I was emptying the grocery bags into the fridge and he was staring intently on.  All of the sudden he ran to the fridge door and pulled out a bottle of salad dressing. "Wanch, wanch" (Ranch, Ranch) was all he said in an excited tizzy.  That little boy 1.) knows what he wants despite it being 9:30 in the morning, and 2.) melts my heart with his sincere excitement over the things his sisters like. (Oh, have I not mentioned how obsessed Siena and Qiana are with Ranch.  Siena once told me that she wanted a third helping of salad just so she could have Ranch dressing. I will say, though, that I haven't bought the MSG Ranch dressing in a while, so it's curbing their addictions. ;)

Anyway, I think this was a good recording session.  Hopefully I'll get on the ball more often because things like this remind me of how good life really is.

Opposing Forces

Have you ever felt loyalties to two opposing forces? Well, if you haven't, you can probably imagine how uncomfortable and unsettling it is. If you agree with one, you abandon the other and feel the weight of betraying it.

Thus it is for me, and it is not a new thing.  Ever since the year 2005, to be exact.

You see, my husband and my own father are two completely different people.  I love them both and would not do anything purposely to make them upset. However, because they are two different people, their suggestions at activities that involve the other usually collide in a big way. It's not that they don't like each other (they really DO, by the way,) it's just that they don't have a lot of the same interests. For that reason, it's really hard to find activities outside of family gatherings that both would like.

I'll give you an example:

My aunt's awesome Valentine's Day dance was a perfect chance to let loose and enjoy an evening together. I suggested to my dad that we all go together.  He promptly refused, on the grounds that he doesn't dance... or socialize. (Okay, maybe I made that last one up.) So that idea didn't work out. (I also have to mention that even if he did shrug his shoulders and give in to that one, they wouldn't have ended up going anyway.  My poor mom was really ill that night. But I'm going off-topic....) Juan and I had fun that night, but we didn't sharing in that fun with my Dad.

Another instance happened this week as well. My dad invited me to go snowmobiling with Harper and him. I thought it was on a day where Siena had school and Juan had work and since he asks all the time and I always refuse, I accepted the invitation.  I mean, he already had Sierra lined up to babysit, for heaven's sake! Once I found out that both Juan and Siena would be home all day because of President's Day, I felt horrible. I explained the new schedule to mi padre; my dad's solution was to just have the whole family come and he would take the kids and Juan ice fishing. I didn't want to cancel on him, even though I KNEW that this was not Juan's cup of tea, because I had committed to a rare outing with my dad. So without consulting Juan, I accepted the offer again. I thought it through again afterwards and more aspects I hadn't considered started coming to mind. Juan was not going to want to go out on ice with his foot like that and I didn't want to leave him alone while I went and had fun.  I felt horrible again!!

Here I was with a decision to make. Who would I upset?  I didn't have to think hard about it because I had another commitment I hadn't lived up to and that was to go to the temple.  A temple trip would work for Juan's and my schedules, but would coincide with the snowmobiling trip.   I decided to cancel with my dad the night before the trip. It was a difficult decision because I got myself stuck between two good things.  I HATE that I did that to them and myself.

I cancelled with my dad via my mom since I was too ashamed to do it in person.  I begged her to plead my case or to somehow soften the blow, but a while later I got a call from my dad.  It was strictly a Guilt Trip phone call.  It totally worked. I feel awful and I feel like a flighty, irresponsible person.  I can't remember a time when I have felt so regretful over a really poor decision... Wait a second, yes I can, it happens all the time! But for some reason, I feel extra doses of remorse when my poor judgement involves disappointing my parents.

And all this mess is just because I was trying to please both opposing forces. Ugh! Life!

Happy VDay

(...and when I say VDay, I mean of the Valentine variety, not the Victory in Europe Day during WWII.)

I usually don't do anything too special for this holiday.  I can't keep up with them all, so some holidays fall by the wayside and this one is usually part of that lot (along with St. Patrick's Day, Pioneer Day, and Halloween.)  HOWEVER, I took a little bit of initiative, thanks to the fun and annual Valentine's package that Amber and Kurt sent the kids.  It inspired me to be a better, more whimsical mother.  So we made a loose curtain of hearts and draped them from an homemade Valentine's banner hanging in the kitchen; we also decorated sugar cookies on two different occasions. I bought the kids decorative melamine plates and served a complete VDay breakfast on them, cute saying and all! I mean, this was a huge step for Stacia this year.

The afternoon was stressful though.  I didn't time things right and I found myself dashing out of the house, kids in-tow, driving to the floral wholesaler with just a few minutes to make "critical" floral decisions, helping with the set-up for the dance that night (more on that to come,) and arranging flowers for my dad and uncle like a madwoman once we made it home again.  Making dinner and giving a feeble attempt at tidying the house were just afterthoughts.

Valentine's Day was a rush of mostly Crazy, but the thought of my date tonight got me through it.  Juan and I were able to spend the evening together while the sitter took care of our unruly, yet totally adorable brood.

Aaahhh, Date Nights.  Glad you're back.

I planned the date for tonight, so Juan was kept in suspense as to where we were going and what we were going to do.  He found out where we were going by opening felt fortune cookies (reminiscent of his proposal) with driving directions.  The first destination was "GOLD'S GYM" since he's wanted to get a gym pass for a while.  I clearly thought he could handle it, but he told me he didn't want to go.  It wasn't that he was a baby, like I know you're thinking right now, it's because he's not too sure his foot is ready for working out after all.  We decided to wait on that.  The next fortune cookie held "DINNER" as a destination. He got to "choose his own adventure" as to where we went to dinner, as long as it was Asian.  Because we finally broke out of our tradition of being "un-traditional" on Valentine's Day and went out to eat, I decided to pull out all the--cheesy--stops; we sat at our table and I gave him one chopstick.  Only one.  I told him, "This is me all by myself.  I'm completely useless." At that point, I gave him the other chopstick and said, "This is you... and Baby, You Complete Me..." or something like that. (Insert swelling orchestra music, audience Awwwww's and the teary smiles HERE.)

Go Cliché or Go Home, though. Right?

After dinner, he opened another felt fortune cookie that read, "CVS".  He was utterly confused at what we were going to do on our date there.  I kept giving him obscure clues so he wouldn't figure it out before we got there.  It drove him nuts!  :)  I told him, "We haven't talked about this all night on our date, so we need to go to CVS right now," and, "2/3 of this has a lot to do with Philadelphia."  He caught onto the right idea once he figured out it connected to our children.  We got to the front counter and I asked for my photo order.  This is what I gave him:

We just needed to talk about the kids to make it an official date. :)

After that we went to the UVU Auto Shop where my aunt Ra'Shelle and uncle Don were hosting a Valentine's Day dance.  It was pretty fun, despite the limitations Juan's foot put on him.  We invited Juan's parents, Beto and Rosi, and Hector and Lola and they all showed up.  There was a live 80's band and my aunt even sang a love song for all the couples to dance to.  I hope this memory lasts for a long time because it was just so fun to be there with both sides of my family.

When we got home, Sadie (one of my Mia Maids) had everything cleaned up and the kids were asleep in bed.

PARADISE FOUND!

Despite the crazy morning of Ezra leaving a path of destruction in his wake, it was a lovely VDay.

Me, With My Marbles

...because I was about to lose them last week.  All of those darn, slippery marbles.

It's been a bit of a stressful start to the new year.  Nothing too newsworthy, so don't start feeling bad for me.  However, in the midst of the holiday preparations and tending to Juan and the children, and feeling quite bad for myself, I let a lot of tasks I needed to accomplish go ignored.  Once I realized how chaotic my life was getting, I thought I would just pick up the pieces later; after school started again, once all the parties were wrapped up, and once we got into the new swing of things with Juan's injury life would get back to normal.  So I stopped caring a little bit.  It must have been a coping mechanism, I dunno.  Once I stopped caring about taking out the trash from the bedrooms and bathrooms, it seemed pretty easy to stop caring about vacuuming upstairs and doing the dishes.  One thing after another got dropped from my To Do List, all in the name of "coping".  I didn't brush Qiana's hair until after noon most days.  My house was full of Christmas decorations, a borrowed recliner for Juan to sit in downstairs, and schloads of new "stuff" from Christmas so it started to feel like our house belonged on Hoarders.  I made myself do the laundry, but didn't follow through with folding it.  There it sat.  Day after day after day.  "I'll do it later.  Maybe tonight," I would say. Before I knew it, it had been a week and I needed to do laundry again.  The same dishes must have been in the sink for three days.  We ate out because of the "stress" of making dinner.

I mean, can you SEE how RIDICULOUS I had become?!

The culminating event to all of this madness was when we made piñatas for the 3 Reyes party we had.  There was flour and water goop all over the kitchen counters, the table, and the floors.  It was a massive disaster area.  The house was officially a war zone.

Suddenly, I started to lose my patience a lot quicker.   Even the slightest annoyance became the most unbearable torture to my nerves.  For example, the neighbors below us cook very fragrant Brazilian meals multiple times a day.  It wafts through our house and into every room through the vents that we share.  The smell of fried food covers every inch of our living space.  I couldn't handle that in the least bit anymore.  I opened all the doors and windows and let the bitter cold in for a good ten minutes so the smell wouldn't linger as long.  I didn't care what the heating bill for our landlord was going to be.  Other things that normally wouldn't bother me that much were preying on my patience; where are my workout pants?  Ezra, stop yelling "Mommy!" over and over and over again, Qiana, if you pee your pants one more time, I swear....  I was NOT a pleasant person to be around.  This was especially the case when I went to pick up Juan for work twice in one day and he never came out because he ran 20 minutes over time with a patient.  It was not part of agenda and I was not feeling very flexible with my schedule so  I left him both times and took care of other errands until he called me, waiting on his pegleg, asking me to pick him up.  Two days ago, our refrigerator broke and most of our food went bad.  This was really NOT good timing.  It didn't just rain, it poured that day... figuratively speaking, although the snowfall was pretty heavy that day as well.  It really had become too much for me to handle.  Stacia was on an angry rampage through the country, burning villages and plundering the weak.  My kids sat in front of the TV for about 2.5 hours straight that day while I tried to save what I could from our fridge and harbor it in plastic totes buried in the snow, all the while repeating, "I can't take it anymore" under my breath.

Just to think of how horrible things got makes me shutter.  My poor, poor family.  How did that transition happen so quickly?  I know it wasn't just a single catalyst; it wasn't just because of Juan's injury, or the messy house, or all of the gift shopping, party prep, or untidy children, or a makeshift fridge in the snow on the back porch.  It was definitely a combination of those things and probably hormones (yes, I get to play that card) that formed a black and very dark corner in my mind.

Well, like any emotion, there was an opposing emotion getting ready to spring into action. It's the "fight or flight" response we each have.  I personally believe that we sometimes get both feelings at the same time, it just depends on which feeling overpowers the other that determines how you react to a situation.  My dark corner was telling me to flee, to leave the stress and give it all up so I won't have to deal with any of it anymore.  It was the feeling that was slowly building that whole time.  The accompanying feeling that was battling it out in my subconscious was telling me that I could conquer what I was dealing with.  One of those emotions had to come out the victor.  Luckily, "Fight" overcame "Flight" and I didn't give up.  Slowly, I started realizing that I needed to rely more on the enabling power of the atonement to help me clean up the path of destruction I had created.  It took a lot of tears and prayers to get me to remember that I couldn't do it on my own, not at that point at least.  Through an extremely patient husband and a friend who was there when I needed her, God showed His love for me.  I felt like I could tackle my messy house and that I could be forgiven by my family, and that life would get better.  An overwhelming new feeling came over me.  I don't know how else to describe it, but it just felt like I had a much stronger will, sense of ability, and determination to put everything in my life back into its proper compartment.

And come to think about it, that's EXACTLY what enable means: "to give power or ability to".

The concept of this huge resource was not really getting through to me before.  But I think I'm starting to grasp a smidgeon of understanding now that I have actually felt it and seen it work.  I was able to start with one, small thing.  I vacuumed.  Then I washed dishes.  Then I folded laundry.  It really was a couple days of just pure cleaning, with the occasional break to play in the snow with the kids (which I think was just what the doctor ordered.)  It took some time, and some old-fashioned work, but I no longer felt a looming cloud over my head telling me that it was impossible to catch up with my duties or that my children were already too far emotionally scarred to ever come back to normalcy.  I felt hopeful and I felt happy.  I felt loved and cared for.  I felt grateful.  I felt a little silly for letting myself get to that point, but in hindsight, I wouldn't have changed that experience a bit.  I needed to see and learn for myself what Christ can do when you feel like you are no longer in control or even you. The enabling power of the Atonement is totally a real and accessible thing.

Adieu, Adieu, to Yieu and Yieu and Yieu.

(One of the best gifts we received was The Sound of Music given by the Golding family.  The girls want to go to Austria over Disneyland right now.)

Adios 2013

This year was the first time I saw Christmas through different lenses.  It was a month filled of fun activities and hopefully many memories that will stick with the kiddos.  We continued on with a gazillion family traditions, yet still found time to create a couple new ones for our family.  Despite an unfortunate accident Juan "fell into" the week before Christmas (more on that to come,) we were able to achieve the Christmas Spirit on at least one occasion.

We went Christmas tree "hunting" like we always do the day after Thanksgiving, and at the last possible moment we finally found the beautiful pinyon that would grace our home for the month.  It was freezing, but memorable.  We also wrote letters to Santa, made Grandma's Ginger Cookies with pink cherry frosting, played in the snow, drove around Salem Pond to see the Christmas lights, and enjoyed the Delgadillo & Camp Family Christmas parties (...Santa even came to one!)  We love looking forward to those things every year and this year was no exception.

The new traditions that we started were a service chain we made, a Chavez family Sub for Santa project, and making piñatas for Día de los 3 Reyes.  Fortunately, despite my shoulder devil's best efforts, those new experiences were ones we want to repeat year after year.

So, now that you've got the overview, I want to elaborate on four things: 1) Juan's accident, 2) Sub for Santa project, 3) Día de los 3 Reyes and 4) Christmas Service Chain.

1)  Juan's accident.  It was exactly one week before christmas Eve when Juan and I decided to meet at Toys R Us to buy toys for our Sub for Santa project.  The girls were at a Primary activity, so we only had about an hour to search for and purchase the perfect gifts for two little boys, ages eight and nine.  Juan was talking to me on the phone as he walked up to the front door of Toys R Us and I told him I would come to the front of the store to meet him.  We were in the middle of our conversation when he suddenly stopped talking.  I thought he was walking through the door and had seen me so I searched for him to appear.  He never did.  30 seconds later I still hadn't hung up the phone so I asked him where he was.  Silence again.  After a bit of frustration on my part he spoke, only saying faintly, "Stacia, I fell.  I can't get up.  I need you to come out here now."  I rushed outside and found him lying on the cement.  There was a woman who had seen the fall and she was huddled over him, asking him questions and offering her help.  I told her that I would just help him up and that I could take it from there, all the while thinking it was just a sprained ankle.  Luckily, the woman told the store manager what had happened and in no time, there were employees rushing out throwing out Ice Melt so others wouldn't get hurt.  They pulled up a chair to the front doors and with the aid of another man and his wife, we were able to get Juan up to the chair to sit down.  I pulled up the car to the front doors and we helped Juan get in.  He was shaking so badly because of the pain.  Then I went inside to talk to the manager, since she wanted me to fill out a form.  The manager told me that Toys R Us would take care of everything and that their insurance would contact me (this was all because we had to rush to the Urgent Care at that moment and didn't have time to fill out an Incident Report.)  The Urgent Care doctor took off Juan's shoe and sock and told us that the foot needed extensive repair, more than the Urgent Care could provide and ordered us to go to the ER.  We did so and after x-rays, it was determined that Juan broke his fibula and inside ligaments.  He stayed in the hospital overnight so they could manage his pain and the next morning at 6 am he went in for surgery.  The doctor put in a metal plate and 6 screws.  Juan had an horrible time dealing with the pain and the meds made him completely nauseated.  It has been 2 weeks now since the surgery and he's still having a hard time with the pain.  I didn't realize how hard it would be for us when it happened, but oh boy, has it been a rough couple of weeks.  He wakes up during the night because of either pain or discomfort, he has a hard time eating anything after he takes his pain pill because he'll just throw it right up, and he hasn't been his usual content self.  During the holidays, we were more stressed out than happy, especially now that the financial side of that whole ordeal is looming over us.  (By the way, I'm only writing this so I can record the sentiments as well as the facts that are behind this memory.)  At first, we were told not to worry, but now that the "higher-ups" have told the store manager that they will not take responsibility, the blame is being passed Toys R Us to the property manager, to the snow-removal people, etc.  It's kind of ridiculous.  Anyway, the point in writing this down is that although it was not a delightful way to spend the holidays, we are slowly finding ways to deal with this new "normal".  I guess can see the glass half empty, or half full; Juan was not able to go to work from the 18th to the 31st, but then again, I got to see a lot more of my husband and the kids got to spend more time with him.  It's going to be interesting to see how this all ends up.  In the meantime, I'll just try not to mention the words "ski", "snow", "ice", and "Sundance".

2) Sub for Santa Project.  Okay, well despite the broken leg, we were able to participate in a Sub for Santa for a family in need.  Their backstory is incredible and very inspiring.  The father was deported back to Mexico, so the mother is the only parent that four children (ages 10, 9, 8 and 5) get to see.  The mother contracted polio as a child and continues to suffer from the affects.  She can't walk on her own without support, and even then only short distances.  She does, however, walk faithfully to church every week, despite the bitter conditions typical to Utah. She keeps a very positive attitude and demonstrates her gratitude to others.  She doesn't have a job and if I were to guess, they are living month-to-month, including what little outside assistance they may receive.  Triana and Ryan found her thru Centro Hispano, who were not able to help her out with the family's Christmas due to an application deadline that wasn't met.  Luckily, Triana was able to meet with her and she prodded for Christmas wishes from all members of the family.  The mother just kept telling her that she didn't need much, maybe just a Christmas card in the mail.  Once Triana was able to get them to warm up to her a bit more, they asked for a sweatpants set for each of them since the children walk to school in the freezing cold every morning.  It was eye-opening and humbling that we take so much for granted.  The miracle was that entire experience touched more lives than just hers and ours; we were able to get help from a good friend of mine that I Visit Teach who has received assistance herself in the past and who wanted to help someone else out.  She works at Shirley's Bakery and she was able to donate a dozen rolls and an order of cinnamon buns for their Christmas meal.  Also, Juan's cousin's work gave him money and told him to buy presents for less-fortunate people. He took over the gift-buying that Juan and I were going to do that fateful Wednesday night.  Because of the generosity of others, we were able to donate our portion of the money to go towards the family's bills and other expenses instead of just gifts.  When we delivered all the things the Monday night before Christmas, Triana told us that we should go inside and meet the family.  They were genuinely happy and despite the awkwardness of being there to give them their presents from Santa, it was heartwarming.  I really hope that we can continue this new tradition, as it was such a huge part of our holiday season this year.

3) Día de los Reyes.  When Juan and I were newlyweds, we hosted a huge Christmas party for friends.  It was such a big success, that we decided to do that every year.  In Philadelphia we carried on the tradition until the last year, which was quite a crazy time for us with all the traveling and "finishing up" we were trying to get done.  Instead, we hosted a 3 Kings Day celebration in which we introduced the primarily Hispanic holiday to our friends.  It was also a huge success, so we decided to just stick with that every year.  Last year's party was held at my parents' house since we were still living there at the time, and the only people we invited were our immediate family members.  Well, this year we are at it again, but we are only inviting a handful of friends to whom the tradition has yet to be introduced.  We wanted to share the culture with others, so it's set to happen this Saturday night, barring any broken ankle accidents.  The girls have been making piñatas today and yesterday and the excitement is starting to fill the air as we check things off our To Do lists in preparation for the party.  I'll definitely share how it all went down, post factum.

4)  Christmas Service Chain. This chain had different original meaning than what it ended up being. We had cut the links out of different colored red and green papers and were going to make the chain all in one night, and tear off a link for every day before Christmas.  We've done it in the past and the girls loved it.  However, call it inspiration or "mom-spiration" (which means the crazy thoughts moms get that end up being overwhelming in the end) we decided to make it a service chain in which we could add a link every time we did something for someone else.  If we did just one service per day for 25 days, we would have a beautiful chain to put on our tree by Christmas morning.  The second this idea was born, the girls and I took our stack of paper chain links and wrote down service projects on each one.  For the most part, the girls came up with these all on their own.  I may have put the words into more accurate representations of what we were doing, but the ideas were essentially their own.  By Christmas morning (and with the HUGE sigh of fatigue and relief for the project to be successfully completed) we had an handsome and meaningful garland to add to the tree.  Listed below are the services we completed:

1. Write a Thank You note to Bishop Asay
2. Help clean up messes
3. Teach others about respect (I loved that they thought of this.  It made me laugh inside.)
4. Help clean the house
5. Read stories to other kids
6. Give food to the Food and Care Coalition
7. Make a clothing donation to DI
8. Make and deliver Christmas tree ornaments
9. Visit someone's house and give service there
10. Visit the elderly and sing a song for them (they read stories instead of a song)
11. Christmas caroling to make people happy
12. Draw pictures of scripture stories and mail them to Grandpa and Grandma Wood
13. Mail Christmas cards to a soldier (Scott Ambridge)
14. Say special prayers for the people who are poor
15. Make and deliver cookies
16. Siena and Qiana sing for Grandma Peg
17. Shop for Christmas gifts for someone else (we counted the Sub for Santa)
18. Shovel someone's sidewalk
19. Be nice to someone today
20. Babysit someone's kids
21. Invite Sterling and Tarsila (downstairs neighbors) to dinner (Well, because of Juan's accident, we just couldn't get our lives in order enough to do that.  We did, however, bring them dinner.)
22. Make Thank You butterflies for Allan, our landlord.
23. Put little flower arrangements on the graves of Grampi and Fonzi (Abuelo Delgadillo y Alfonzo)
24. Share a Book of Mormon with personalized messages from Qiana and Siena inside (Kurt helped us with the delivery.  He knew someone he could give it to.)
25. No fighting and only speak kind words as a special Christmas gift to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Here's to a Happy... and I really hope it's a HAPPY one... New Year!

Grinch List

1. The most obvious thing: frrrrreeeezzzzing cold weather
2. gaps in the outer door frames
3. sharing a single hot water heater with other tenants
4. glass Christmas ornaments and a curious toddler
5. walking on black ice as a pedestrian
6. thick-slushy supermarket parking lots and a cart full of heavy groceries
7. nagging at a bunch of cooped-up children to clean their own messes
8. eventually cleaning up most of the aforementioned messes
9. dishes from holiday baking
10. extra muffin-top due to holiday baking
11. no incentive to leave the house (no, not even "Gym" is getting his calls answered)
12. thinking because I rarely leave the house I'll have all the time in the world to get things done
13. Laundry Day after a snow day
14. mopping floors that will unavoidably get drenched soon by melting, muddy snow boots
15. wiring the Christmas tree with lights
16. tree sap getting everywhere
17. dry, cracked and bleeding fingers and knuckles
18. cold sores
19. falling behind on holiday traditions
20. only ordering half the amount of christmas cards you would like to send out
21. getting neighbors' packages delivered to your house by accident
22. burning your tongue at the first sip of what should have been the best mug of cocoa ever!
23. scraping car windows in the morning
24. losing a mitten

Cindy Lou Who List

Wow!  This one is going to be a bit harder to compose, seeing as I have to positively contradict the previous grievances.  Here goes:

1. Cold enough to turn rain to snow, which provides the powder on which my husband happily skis every winter
2. don't have to even see the heating bill, let alone pay it
3. bathing the kids in the evenings when I know the hot water is still abundant, therefore freeing up more time in our morning routine
4. teaching opportunities for Ezra to learn about the word FRAGILE around ornaments and the creche
5. providing loads of entertainment to onlookers as I fall on the ice over and over again
6. building M-U-S-C-L-E-S from pushing grocery carts through slushy parking lots
7. watching the kids' imaginations at work, despite being cooped-up
8. a cleaner house because I get cabin fever and need to tidy everything
9. a cozy scent wafting through the house while baking
10. extra insulation due to homemade treats
11. spending less money by staying indoors
12. sometimes getting more done at home that I would have otherwise because I was "snowed-in"
13. little reminders of the fun we had while playing in the snow like a damp glove
14. the house smelling clean from the mopping up of snowy messes
15. Christmas tree lights looking good against the dark, no matter how horrible of a job it was
16. passing on the trick of using butter to get rid of pine sap to my kids
17. reminders to drink more water and use lotion every time I look at my hands
18. plumper kissers, even though the cold sores sometimes look nasty if they get out of hand
19. creating new holiday memories
20. saving on postage by sending out a digital copy of Christmas cards via social media
21. the thrill of getting packages in the mail, no matter who they are for
22. imposed self-control every time you burn your tongue on hot cocoa
23. feeling grateful for a "defrost" button in the car.
24. turning stray mittens into a craft project.

That Did NOT Go Well...

I don't often write because I'm mad and need to blow off some steam, but right now I need an outlet and the blog seems to beckon a post on The Reality of Bad Mommy Moments.

I just got in a FIGHT--no, there is no other word for it--with Qiana.  I am sobbing and blinking away tears as I stare at the screen and question how I will ever come back from that Bad Mommy Moment.  My sweet and spunky little 4 year-old seems to know exactly which words or actions to use to catch me off-guard when she is feeling defiant.  It doesn't happen all the time, but when she is in the right mood, she calls names, laughs when I scold, hits and kicks me and I find myself getting more and more upset that she doesn't respect me.  Once this happens, it all seems to be routine:

I let my emotions take over and I raise my voice. Anger Level: MAD.  She gets angry and screams.  I get more upset and raise my voice even more, threatening a punishment.  Anger Level: ANGRY. She throws a punch and calls me a mean name. Anger Level: FUMING. I start yelling and carrying through with the threat of punishment.  She loses privilege over privilege. She screams mean thing over mean thing while kicking at me.  Anger Level: FURIOUS. I administer Sassy Sauce (1 tsp. white vinegar) for her bad words.  She won't stop.  I spank her.  I hold her flailing arms down as I carry her to her room.  I set her on her bed and close the door.  Anger Level: OUTRAGED. I hold the door so she won't leave (which she attempts to do every time.)

Then I just stand there, confused at what I have just done.  I feel the anger simmer and the shame and sadness from my actions seep in.  I feel my body losing all energy as the adrenaline subsides and the reality of my uncontrolled emotions overtakes my conscience.  Although I know that it is not child abuse to give consequences to their actions, I think that children need to be shown how to behave properly by the good examples of their parents.  In this, I fail.  Over and Over again.

I find myself walking up the stairs to her room, holding on to the shame and sadness.  I sit down next to her and apologize for the way I behaved and explain that she needs to be a good example to her little brother, just like I need to be a better example to her.  After going over the consequences that she now has for her actions, I tell her that I too, need to have consequences.  We decide to be better and it's all wrapped up with a hug and kisses on the cheek.

But my point is this: that whole ordeal was not necessary.  It was 100% avoidable.  How do I avoid it?  What should I have done instead?  I'm still not completely sure what an appropriate reaction, tailored to Qiana, would be.  I need to keep reading up on that.  The following is an article I found helpful while in the midst of trying to calm down today (of course, I felt a TON of guilt as I read it, but for me, guilt leads to changed behavior.)

Angry Child Outbursts: The 10 Rules of Dealing with an Angry Child by Carole Banks, MSW, Parental Support Line Advisor

Mikayla, age 13, has just been told she can’t go to her friend’s house. “You need to clean your room first,” says her mom, “You promised to do that, remember?”

Mikayla gets in her mother’s face and screams, “You’re the meanest mom in the world! I hate you!” She turns and runs into her bedroom, slamming the door.

“That’s it! You’re grounded, young lady,” her mom shouts back. She’s left feeling exhausted and defeated, and unsure if she’s done the right thing.

Don’t challenge your child when he’s angry—that’s just like throwing a match onto a pile of firecrackers.

If you’re a parent, odds are you’ve been there. Why do we often engage in shouting matches with our kids—or freeze up, not knowing what to do—when an angry outburst occurs? Read on to learn the 10 rules of dealing with an angry child.

1. Don’t yell or challenge your child when he’s angry.

Many times parents deal with angry outbursts by challenging their kids and yelling back. But this will just increase your feeling of being out of control. The best thing you can do is remain calm in a crisis. Think of it this way: Even if you get into a car accident and the other driver jumps out and is furious at you, if you can remain calm, they will probably start to relax and be reasonable. But if you come back at them with an aggressive response, and say, “What are you talking about, that was your fault,” the tension just stays at that heightened place. So don’t challenge your child when he’s angry—that’s just like throwing a match onto a pile of firecrackers. Just wait until he calms down.

Related: Is your child or teen’s anger out-of-control?

2. Don’t try to reason with your child when he’s in the middle of a tantrum, tirade or angry outburst.

Many parents I talk to fall back on logic when their kids are angry. After all, as adults, we reason through things to defuse tense situations. This is always a challenge with kids because they don’t have the same capacity to stop and reason like we do. So when you’re dealing with your angry child, you have to leave that verbal place where you feel pretty comfortable and use different techniques. Saying, “Why are you mad at me? You were the one who forgot your homework at school,” will only make your child angrier. Instead, wait until he calms down and then talk it through later.

3. Pay attention to your physical reactions.

It’s important to watch your physical reactions because your senses will tell you “Yikes, I’m in the presence of somebody who is very upset.” You’ll feel your heart start beating faster because your adrenaline will be heightened. Even though it’s difficult, the trick is to act against that in some way and try to stay calm. Remember, you’re lending your children your strength in these moments; you’re showing them how to handle anger.  By staying calm, you’re not challenging your child by yelling back and engaging in a power struggle; this only escalates the tension. And paying attention to your own reactions will also help your child pay attention to himself because he won’t need to worry about you or your emotions. When you don’t respond calmly, your child will work even harder at his tantrum to try to get you to pay attention.  So you really have to tap into some solid parenting skills to handle the outburst quickly and effectively.

4. Don’t get physical with your child.

Sometimes on the Parental Support Line we hear from parents who have lost it and gotten physical with their kids. I took a call from a dad whose teenage son mouthed off to his mom, and the father shoved him. The fight escalated. The son would not speak to his father because he felt his dad should apologize to him; the father, on the other hand, felt that his son caused the problem and worried that his authority would diminish if he apologized. I advised him to say, “I lost control and it was wrong for me to shove you. I apologize.” That’s it; end of story. You don’t go into your child’s role in that situation at all because it is an attempt to place the blame on someone else for your actions. Rather, you want to teach your child how to take responsibility and make a genuine apology. Don’t worry—you will have other opportunities to work with your child around being mouthy or defiant. But it’s important to be a good role model and address your role in the fight going south. Remember, if you get physical with your child, among other things, you’re just teaching him to solve his problems with aggression.

Related: Fighting with your child all the time?

5. Take a different approach with younger kids.

If your small child (eighteen months to age four) is in the midst of a temper tantrum, you want to move ever so slightly away from him, but don’t isolate him completely. When small kids are upset, you want to help them to start to learn that they can have a role in calming themselves down. You can say, “I wish I could help you calm yourself down. Maybe you can lie on the couch for a little bit.” So have them calm down until they feel in control. By doing that you’re asking them to pay attention to themselves. So instead of, “You have to sit there for ten minutes by yourself,” it’s more of, “When you feel better and you’re not upset anymore, you can come on out and join us.” You can also give them a choice. You can say, “Do you need time to go into your room and get it together?” Again, don’t challenge them when they’re in that mode.

6. Don’t freeze up.

Some parents freeze up when their kids throw tantrums or start screaming at them. The parent is emotionally overwhelmed and becomes paralyzed with indecision or gives in to the child. If you’re this type of person, you may find that sometimes your child will get angry on purpose to engage you; they’ll bait you by throwing a fit or saying something rude, because they know that this will cause you to give in. So your job is to not take the bait—don’t get angry, and don’t give in.

I think parents sometimes have a tendency to renegotiate with their child in these situations. Often, they’re having a hard time managing their own emotions and so they don’t know how to coach their child properly in that moment. But remember, if you give in and renegotiate, even every once in a while, you’re teaching your child that it’s worth it to act out.  Instead, let them calm down and try to coach them to use their problem-solving skills later. In my opinion, once you start doing that, you’re not passive. You are making a conscious choice to not get into an argument. You’re saying, “I’m not going to renegotiate; I’m going to be calm.” Although it may not seem like it on the surface, all of those choices are actions—you are making a choice not to give in.

Related: Don’t negotiate—learn how to communicate so your child will listen.

7. Give consequences for the bad behavior, not for the anger.

When your child throws a tantrum, starts screaming and really loses it, make sure you give him consequences based on his behavior and not on his emotions. For example, if your child calls you a foul name during his angry outburst, give him a consequence later for that infraction of the rules. But if all he does is stomp into his room and yell about how life isn’t fair, I would let that go. Kids get angry just like we do; they need to feel that they have a safe place to let off steam. As long as they’re not breaking any rules, I think you should allow them to have that time to be angry.

Related: Consequences not working?

8. Don’t give overly harsh punishments.

Giving harsh punishments in the heat of the moment is a losing proposition. Here’s why: Let’s say your child is angry. He’s having a tantrum and shouting and screaming at you. You keep saying, “If you don’t get it together, I’m going to take away your Wii for a week. Okay now it’s two weeks. Now it’s a month…do you want to keep going?” But to your dismay, your child keeps escalating; the more you try to punish him in order to force him to stop and get control of himself, the worse he gets.

We have a name for that kind of discipline: It’s called “consequence stacking.” What’s really happening here is that the parent is losing emotional control. I understand that it is hard to tolerate it when your kid is upset—we don’t like it. But what you want to try to ask yourself is, “What do I want my child to learn?” And the answer might be, “I want him to learn how to not throw a fit every time he has to do something he doesn’t want to do. I want him to learn that when he gets upset, there’s an appropriate way to get out of it.” The worst thing you can do is join him and get upset yourself. Harsh punishments that seem never-ending to your child are not effective, and will only make him angrier in that moment.

9. Take a break.

On the Support Line, I’ll often ask parents who call about their child’s angry outbursts the following question: “When you and your spouse are mad at each other, what do you do to calm down?” Often, people will say they take a break and do something on their own for a little while until they can calm down and talk it through. This technique also works with your child, but parents often don’t think of it because they feel they should have control over their kids. But remember, when somebody is angry, you can’t reason with them and you can’t rush it. The bottom line is that if you stay there in that anger and keep engaging each other, it will not go away—it will just get bigger.  So take a break and come back and interact with each other later when everyone is calm.

10. Role model appropriate responses when you’re angry.

I also tell parents they should try to role model dealing with their own anger appropriately in front of their children. What are some good ways to do that? Say, “I’m getting frustrated—I’m going to take a break.” or “I can’t talk to you right now; I’m really upset so I’m going to wait until I’m calm. I’m going to come back and we’ll talk later.”

Admitting that you’re angry and you need some time to calm down is not a weakness; it takes a lot of strength to say these words out loud. Remember, you’re teaching the lesson of how to manage your anger, and that’s exactly what you want your child to learn.

Read more: http://www.empoweringparents.com/the-10-rules-of-dealing-with-an-angry-child.php#ixzz2n0DVcBfs