Opposing Forces

Have you ever felt loyalties to two opposing forces? Well, if you haven't, you can probably imagine how uncomfortable and unsettling it is. If you agree with one, you abandon the other and feel the weight of betraying it.

Thus it is for me, and it is not a new thing.  Ever since the year 2005, to be exact.

You see, my husband and my own father are two completely different people.  I love them both and would not do anything purposely to make them upset. However, because they are two different people, their suggestions at activities that involve the other usually collide in a big way. It's not that they don't like each other (they really DO, by the way,) it's just that they don't have a lot of the same interests. For that reason, it's really hard to find activities outside of family gatherings that both would like.

I'll give you an example:

My aunt's awesome Valentine's Day dance was a perfect chance to let loose and enjoy an evening together. I suggested to my dad that we all go together.  He promptly refused, on the grounds that he doesn't dance... or socialize. (Okay, maybe I made that last one up.) So that idea didn't work out. (I also have to mention that even if he did shrug his shoulders and give in to that one, they wouldn't have ended up going anyway.  My poor mom was really ill that night. But I'm going off-topic....) Juan and I had fun that night, but we didn't sharing in that fun with my Dad.

Another instance happened this week as well. My dad invited me to go snowmobiling with Harper and him. I thought it was on a day where Siena had school and Juan had work and since he asks all the time and I always refuse, I accepted the invitation.  I mean, he already had Sierra lined up to babysit, for heaven's sake! Once I found out that both Juan and Siena would be home all day because of President's Day, I felt horrible. I explained the new schedule to mi padre; my dad's solution was to just have the whole family come and he would take the kids and Juan ice fishing. I didn't want to cancel on him, even though I KNEW that this was not Juan's cup of tea, because I had committed to a rare outing with my dad. So without consulting Juan, I accepted the offer again. I thought it through again afterwards and more aspects I hadn't considered started coming to mind. Juan was not going to want to go out on ice with his foot like that and I didn't want to leave him alone while I went and had fun.  I felt horrible again!!

Here I was with a decision to make. Who would I upset?  I didn't have to think hard about it because I had another commitment I hadn't lived up to and that was to go to the temple.  A temple trip would work for Juan's and my schedules, but would coincide with the snowmobiling trip.   I decided to cancel with my dad the night before the trip. It was a difficult decision because I got myself stuck between two good things.  I HATE that I did that to them and myself.

I cancelled with my dad via my mom since I was too ashamed to do it in person.  I begged her to plead my case or to somehow soften the blow, but a while later I got a call from my dad.  It was strictly a Guilt Trip phone call.  It totally worked. I feel awful and I feel like a flighty, irresponsible person.  I can't remember a time when I have felt so regretful over a really poor decision... Wait a second, yes I can, it happens all the time! But for some reason, I feel extra doses of remorse when my poor judgement involves disappointing my parents.

And all this mess is just because I was trying to please both opposing forces. Ugh! Life!