I know it's self-righteous to admit this, but I do feel like that sometimes. It's like an Omniscient Complex. And though half of me is feeling one thing--like anger--another half of me is feeling completely ridiculous because I know whatever happened really isn't worth getting in a tizzy over. The situations are nearly limitless: interactions with people who don't share the same idea of what is tactful or not, saying something super unhelpful to my kids, gossiping, etc.
This happens when I'm upset about something breaking too. For example, today was a day full of shattered glass... literally. Living room centerpiece vase, a second/substitute vase, and picture frame glass, each breaking within a 20-minute time frame... all very minor things in the grand scheme of things; but for some reason my first reaction was to stomp my feet really hard like a 4 year-old. Juxtaposed was this superior feeling that I should shake it off and use calm words with the sweet, however clumsy, little humans I gave birth to. I think I ended going with a mixture of the two--saying things that would normally put them at ease, but with a totally frazzled attitude behind the words. Not totally effective, but not the worst I could have done.
This week (and probably earlier) has been full of those little moments. One of my neighbors gives me "lessons" about flowers and horticulture nearly every time I talk with her and I just want to scream, "I know! I have a Bachelor's Degree in this stuff. You don't have to prove how smart you are!" However, I have not yielded to that temptation because the hovering Stacia, just like a shoulder angel, is just shaking her head with a smile at the woman saying, "bless her heart." (Oh great, now it really DOES sound like I think I'm better than her. Oh well, just being real here.)
And yesterday was a whammie. I received a fairly bold text from one of Siena's friends' moms saying that I needed to have a serious talk with Siena about bullying her helpless daughter. This was a first for me. I didn't even see it coming and I feel like I have a decent understanding of what goes on because I regularly talk to Siena about her day. They are good friends and play with each other nearly every day and like all kids, they have their disagreements and they're learning about what builds up or puts a strain on relationships. Siena has mentioned times when they didn't see eye to eye or just wanted space from one another, but always the next day everything is water under the bridge because they are not old enough to care about holding on to grudges. I felt like a horrible mom... then I felt embarrassed and sad that my daughter was hurting people's feelings... then I quickly turned into Mama Bear and defended my little cub because it just didn't seem like something she would do purposefully and the other girl tends to exaggerate. Juan and I sat down with Siena and after a long discussion I felt even more upset with that mom accusing our daughter so brashly without a speck of another side of the story to guide her reaction. From everything that Siena had told us in a very remorseful tone (because she knew that she could have acted better that day with her friends,) she had very little to do with the other girl's bad day; Though she wasn't completely innocent, she definitely didn't commit the horrors the other girl's mom had accused her of. It was a good thing Juan was there because I was ready for a confrontation (I'm getting to be less and less scared of those, fortunately/unfortunately.). He was the one who prompted the shoulder Stacia to come out and mediate my hot temper. I could not allow myself to freak out at the mom because I could already see the wildfire it would start. I acted...hmmmm... mature. With a response to her text that was both sympathetic as well as serious and purposeful, I would like to grant the win of that difficult situation to the Birdseye. I think it's over now....
Anyway, the point of all this is that with this double-perspective, I think I may just be finally learning how to keep myself composed after all. Not that I will always listen to my should angel....
