"Though I suffered then, I am grateful now that there was not a quick solution to my problem. The fact that I was forced to turn to God for help almost daily over an extended period of years taught me how to truly pray and get answers to prayer and taught me in a practical way to have faith in God. I came to know my Savior and my Heavenly Father in a way and to a degree that might not have happened otherwise or that might have taken me much longer.... I learned to trust in the Lord with all my heart. I learned to walk with Him day by day." Elder Todd D. Christofferson
There have been few things in my life that haven't worked out. I feel blessed to recognize this. With all that has worked out, it's no wonder that I feel so protected in life. I feel weak thinking that I haven't developed a stronger resilience because of the lack of stress on my soul. I recognize the tears I cry when I hear of the trials of others are simply a result of not even being able to fathom the heartache they experience. I feel confined to worrying about handling the future with all its heartaches which undoubtedly will come. The symbolism of life being a roller coaster is truer than true but it's when I am at my highest that I feel the most ominous feeling that the high will end and I will soon be going through another low. Yet, I know that "going through" is the point, the whole purpose. A roller coaster is not worth riding without the lows and the highs to push you forward.
We've been in another low lately, though saying it out loud just puts it in perspective that it's really not that low, comparatively. I had always tried to make our rental homes feel like HOME, but the fact that it was temporary could not be hidden. As hard as we tried to be neighborly and get to know people, the fact was that we would be moving again (for school, residency, moving to Texas, moving back to Utah, moving to get Siena in a Spanish Immersion program, prospective home purchases in that area;) no one really felt the need to get to know us in any of the neighborhoods (besides the current one, which is great, for the record. I think attending the ward has helped with that immensely though I yearn for the Spanish Branch, too.) The fact that we were members of the Spanish Branch wherever we went also made it hard since none of our neighbors saw us regularly. In Midvale, we got a taste of what a good neighbor is for the first time when we became friends with an older couple. Sandee was always willing to have conversations and the girls would always ask to go over and visit her. It felt so good to have someone living close by who we could count on, too. We took care of her plants and pets when they traveled and she would take care of our trash bin when we were out of town. It was awesome, but in the end we all knew it would be short-lived as time grew closer for Juan's residency to end.
Fast forward to the point.
In Texas, we found a house and started making plans to set roots, excited for everything that comes with calling somewhere HOME. We had been pre-approved by many different places, we had money saved up for a down-payment and our "future home" was within our budget. I know it sounds silly, but I was actually giddy to finally get to paint a wall after being married for 7 years. After the stacks and stacks of paperwork were finally filled out and everything had been inspected, fixed, and agreed upon (including earnest money paid,) we heard the awful news that none of the banks were going to actually approve our home loan. Juan's paycheck was not the problem. It was his paystubs--he didn't actually have enough of them. He didn't have enough history for the bank to feel comfortable lending to him. In hindsight, I can understand their concern a little, although a medical professional should have no problem with job security. But that's the market we're in! The banks had told him over and over again that that would be the only glitch, but that they could get it straightened out with the underwriters. No bueno. Three different banks told us this and all three ended up eating their words. We now know that this was all in preparation for us to follow the prompting to move back to Utah, so it's water under the bridge and I am not bitter about it.
Continuing forward, we moved to Utah in October 2012 and lived with my parents for 3 months until we figured out which of Juan's new jobs he would take and where we wanted the kids to go to school. Once we decided on that, it worked out that we found a rental home down the street from the school. (See? Things have really worked out for us!) Because of the move to Utah and our lost earnest money on the Texas home, our savings account had pretty much been depleted again and we started saving again for another down-payment. In late summer of last year we were ready again to buy a house. We found a lot and were excited to build a new home and get on with the "next step" in our lives, once again hoping to finally lay roots. We had everything ready to go again when Juan and I both got another prompting NOT to go ahead with that house. I kept thinking to myself, "Is this just us subconsciously not wanting to make a big decision?" I was more confused than ever why we wouldn't just go ahead with the build, which was the logical thing to do. Around the time we decided not to build, we were informed of a house in Siena's school boundaries that was going to go to Short-Sale and everything looked as if it would work out. However, we knew we were in it for the long-haul because Short-Sales have a reputation of taking months.
Then it happened. Juan broke his ankle a week before Christmas and the medical bills started rolling in. It was a time of major expenses, despite the fact that we had health insurance and that we were frugal with Christmas. We are still paying bills for that and April is also the blessed month for taxes, which we now have to DISH OUT, instead of reap. I am so grateful we didn't build that home because we would not have had enough money saved up for the down-payment, seeing as most of it went toward those darn medical bills. Things have worked out!
We were very good, though, by setting a paycheck aside every month for savings and were prepared again for the Short-Sale we were hoping to get. We also talked to different mortgage officers about making sure we would be approved for a loan this time. We were told that the best thing to do was to have Juan pay himself a W2, which was really the only way to get past the bureaucratic red tape of being self-employed for less than two years... our new hurdle. This incurred thousands of dollars more in taxes to pay (he was essentially being double-taxed,) but we decided it was worth it if we could finally purchase a home.
The bank that owns the Short-Sale home finally got back to us 5 months later (the beginning of this month) and told us that it appraised for $60K more than expected. We were not going to pay that, so the mortgage officer told us that there were a couple things we could do to barter the price down to within our expected price. The first thing we did was get a home inspection. This ended up costing about $530, which was worth every penny. After the inspector gave us the report and walked me through the home, it was more than evident that it was in fact NOT the house we were told it was--meaning that the owners (a close friend, in fact) had kept vital information from us despite the fact that they were losing it to the bank anyway. 25% of the home was considered a biohazard because of a faulty deck that had channeled water right into the house. The bedroom carpet had mushrooms growing out of it and the ceiling below was rotted out. This was the worst mold situation the inspector had ever seen in his 20+ years work experience. We were just never shown those parts in our walk-throughs for whatever reason. The house had other issues with foundation, mold, electrical, drainage, failure, etc. It was a disaster below the beautiful façade.
We were more than disappointed and so...so... soooo frustrated. How come, after all we had done to be responsible homebuyers, there was nothing to show for it? There was no lawn to mow, no garden to be planted, no wall to paint. Our 2 years of looking for homes, being in contracts, working with the banks was wasted, one would assume.
Not so.
We learned so much more than ever before about home-buying, about what our priorities really were, and what we could really take on. I am grateful that we are back to square one--I am frustrated with it every single day and that frustration has led me to more fervent prayers and has helped me understand and accept that the Lord will take care of us.
"The Spirit can guide us when to look ahead and when we should deal just with this one day, with this one moment. Asking for and receiving daily bread at God’s hand plays a vital part in learning to trust Him and in enduring life’s challenges. We also need a daily portion of divine bread to become what we must become... we can do it because we can appeal to God for our daily bread, for the help we need each day."
He will put us where He wants us and the past has proven to us that He will take care of us. Things WILL work out. Who really cares where we live, or what the house is like, or whether we will rent for the rest of our lives? It is not easy to accept this and I am still on sea legs with this new mentality but if I remain focused on accepting God's will over my own expectations or even simple wants, I will be a happier person. I can become more of the person God wants me to be. I can "bloom where I'm planted"... and that's really been the whole point of this particular process for us. I just need to be "grateful in any circumstances", like Dieter F. Uchtdorf explained so well earlier this month.
My roller coaster car will go up again and I can expect to get a little break from disappointment and in that alone, I can look forward with hope.
